he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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