Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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