they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
