Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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