cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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