I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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