dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
