He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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