Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
