u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize