so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
