If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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