Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
