I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
