dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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