We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i came on her dog
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
