Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
