I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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