Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
