i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
