i would punch a child for taco bell
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You need a sexual gate keeper
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
