dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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