I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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