I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
