Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
