i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
