everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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