That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
