My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish you could order shots online.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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