just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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