remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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