just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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