Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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