my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
