He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
