hotel room ftw
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
