I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think my fart just growled at me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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