he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
