his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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