Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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