I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
