i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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