He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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