Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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