The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
