And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want to make out with him forever
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
