I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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