I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
