Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
