You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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