I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
