dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize