oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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