Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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