I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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