I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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