I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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