i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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