From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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