mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
