Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
