quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
